It Shouldn't Hurt This Bad
by bloodytears87
Summary: Ichigo is reflecting on his and grimmjow's latest argument yaoi slight smutt. Grimm/Ichi


The oldest Kurosaki sibling sighed for what seemed like the fiftieth time that night. He couldn't stop thinking about the fight he and his boyfriend Grimmjow had, had earlier that day. It was ridiculous and Ichigo couldn't really even remember how it had started but it ended with the blue haired Espada storming off to Hueco Mundo, not before proclaiming that he was done with the orange haired shinigami however. After that Ichigo had gone to Urahara's shop, not wanting to worry his family with how upset he felt. He didn't even think he could pretend to be alright, even for their sakes.

After he had taken his hurt, frustration and betrayal out on the shady shop keeper, the substitute shinigami had finally made his way home. Ichigo had gone straight to his room after telling Yuzu that he wasn't hungry. That left him where he was now, curled up in a ball on his bed trying to think of what had gone wrong. It was just a simple argument, nothing big at all. So how did it get so blown out of proportion? The strawberry teen didn't even know why it bothered him so much. It wasn't like he was in love with the blue haired sadist… right? No that couldn't be it, he couldn't be in love with an Espada could he? Inside his head, Ichigo could hear his inner hollow cackling at his misery but the teen ignored it, pushing his white carbon copy to the back of his mind.

He wasn't in love! He just couldn't be! … but if he wasn't then why did it hurt so much to see Grimmjow's retreating back walking through the garganta? Why was he with the sexta to begin with? So many questions that Ichigo couldn't or didn't want to answer. What did any of it matter anyway? Grimmjow was gone and he made it pretty clear that he wasn't coming back. He could still remember it like it had just happened.

"_Whatever Grimmjow, you need to chill out," the irritated strawberry teen huffed. "I'm out of here, let me know when you decide to stop being a jerk."_

"_Don't bother shinigami!" Grimmjow yelled back before opening the garganta. "I'll leave and I'm not coming back. I'm done with this shit." With that, the sexta Espada left through the black rip leaving a dumb struck Ichigo behind._

It definitely hadn't been the best out come. Ichigo had only meant to give the other some space to cool down but instead Grimmjow had gotten even more angry and left. Another sigh escaped the strawberry's lips as he turned over to face his open window. He had yet to let a tear escape his eyes, he wanted to cry so bad but couldn't bring himself to do it. It had been so long since he had cried over anything, Ichigo wasn't going to start now.

"Baka… why'd you have to leave?" he whispered to the darkness, knowing his words would never reach the person they were intended for. While he lay there he couldn't help but think about how he and Grimm had gotten together after the war.

_They had been about to get into a serious brawl and Grimmjow had dragged him off so they were alone. Once the sexta got Ichigo cornered he started to lean in and the strawberry teen snapped out of his daze._

"_What the hell!" he demanded only to be silenced._

"_Just shut up," Grimmjow breathed against his lips before he connected them in a soft kiss. Ichigo hesitated for a moment before giving in and kissing the bluenette back. The mind blowing kiss soon turned rough, it was a battle of tongues and teeth, sucking and biting and every bit as brutal as their battles and Ichigo loved it._

The memory brought a small smile to the shinigami's face. After that first kiss the two hadn't gone all the way. Ichigo was only fifteen and not ready for a sexual relationship, especially with a man so Grimmjow waited for him. The strawberry teen hadn't thought the Espada would be patient with him, but the sexta had kept his word. He never pressured Ichigo to go farther then he was comfortable or made him feel bad for not being ready. Grimmjow waited for Ichigo to go to him with his needs and when it happened, man it was something…

"_Are you sure?" Grimmjow's heated voice whispered into the orange haired teen's ear. They were both hot and had a sheen of sweat on their skin making it glisten in the moon light. The sexta's hands were everywhere all at once and Ichigo found it hard to think but it was ok, he didn't need to think. He had come to this decision before he even sought out the Espada._

"_I've never been more sure," Ichigo assured causing the bluenette's predatory grin to widen. Grimmjow shifted them in the grass so that he was leaning against a tree for support and Ichigo's naked frame was settled on Grimmjow's equally naked lap._

"_I'd tell you it's going to hurt but I'm sure you already know," the Espada murmured as he dipped three digits into Ichigo's mouth for the teen to suck. _

_The orange haired teen easily complied as he sucked and licked Grimmjow's fingers making them as wet as he could. Once Grimm felt they were wet enough he pulled the fingers from the teen's mouth and moved to circle the tight ring of muscles at Ichigo's entrance before slipping one digit inside the tight hole._

_It felt uncomfortable but it wasn't anything Ichigo couldn't handle. After pumping in and out a few times the strawberry teen relaxed. When Ichigo was ready the bluenette inserted another finger making Ichigo clench up a bit._

"_Relax," Grimmjow told him in an attempt to sound soothing. Nodding Ichigo took in a deep breath and focused on calming his nerves. After several deep breaths the Espada began pumping his fingers in and out once more before scissoring them while searching for the tiny bundle of nerves that would make this all worth while for the strawberry teen on his lap. "Just a little more…"_

"_AAAHHHHH!" Ichigo cried out as he arched his back in ecstasy as Grimmjow struck his prostate._

"_Gotcha," the sexta smirked as he continued to hit it, making the orange haired shinigami wither in his lap. Soon the third finger was added and Ichigo tensed once more before relaxing into the feeling of his sweet spot being abused over and over again. "I think that should be enough."_

"_Please… Grimm," Ichigo panted out as he looked up at the bluenette with hazy lust filled eyes._

"_Well since you asked so nicely," the Espada smirked before positioning Ichigo's hips above his aching cock. In one swift movement he pulled the strawberry teen down onto his member._

"_AAAAHHHH! OH GODS!" Ichigo moaned and cried at the same time as his prostate was struck through the searing pain._

Just thinking about that night, under the starry moon lit sky where he gave all of himself to the blue haired sexta Espada, still made him blush. He could still remember Grimmjow's hot breath on his ear as he whispered soothing words that Ichigo wouldn't have known the Espada even knew, let alone would say to him.

Their relationship, it was like something forbidden and exciting and something hard to understand. It was never about the sex or their spars or who was on top. It was something more, something that wasn't tangible and couldn't be seen, like two souls resonating in perfect harmony. It made him feel safe and content, like nothing could touch them and they could do anything as long as they had each other… but they didn't have each other, not anymore. With that painful realization a silent lone tear finally slipped down Ichigo's cheek. Maybe it really had been love that he was feeling after all. How could anything else make him feel this lonely… this shattered.

"Shit," the teen cursed into his pillow. "It's… it's not suppose to hurt this much."

"Tsk, what are you crying about, Shinigami?" Ichigo's head shot up and stared at the person standing in mid air outside his open window. Just the sight of Grimmjow standing there as if nothing was wrong made the teen feel so much relief that he only cried harder. "Whoa! Calm down!" the Espada panicked.

"Shut up! Who's crying over something as stupid as you leaving!" Ichigo retorted with his face buried in his pillow.

"Hey I never said it was over me leaving," Grimmjow defended.

"Well it's your fault!" the teen yelled. "Take some responsibility!" The blue haired Espada swallowed whatever retort he was going to make when he really noticed the state of his lover. Had he really caused Ichigo all this pain and distress? Of course he had, who else could bring out this side of the orange haired Shinigami? Walking into the room Grimmjow knelt down beside the strawberry teen and placed one large surprisingly comforting hand on Ichigo's head.

"Don't cry over someone like me," the Espada told him.

"How can I not?" came the muffled reply. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do? When someone you love leaves you?"

The question caught Grimmjow off guard. Ichigo had never admitted to his feelings before. Earlier the Espada was just having a bad day and had taken it out on the substitute shinigami, but that was no excuse and he knew it.

With a sigh Grimmjow sat down and pulled a startled Ichigo into his lap. He couldn't stand to see weakness coming from Ichigo. Sure he hated weak people but if it was Ichigo it was different, it brought out a side of Grimmjow that he, himself, didn't understand. It was like a wild animal feeling the need to protect it's mate. Ichigo was his mate whether the strawberry knew it or not and the sexta wanted to keep him safe from everything. It was a side of himself he never wanted Ichigo or anyone else to witness because being a hollow it made him also feel weak.

The Espada pulled Ichigo tight to his chest before using his free hand to tilt the redhead's chin up. Ichigo stared up at the Espada with large honey brown eyes, glazed over with tears.

"N-nani?" the teen asked, unsure.

"Shut up," Grimmjow whispered as he leaned in. "I'm taking responsibility," he added before his lips connected with Ichigo's.

It was hard and rough, nothing gentle about it. It was completely Grimmjow and Ichigo melted into it. When the Espada's tongue started poking at his mouth asking for entrance, the carrot-top happily obliged. Teeth clashed and tongues intertwined as Grimmjow completely dominated Ichigo's mouth, making the strawberry teen lose his senses in a way only the sexta could do. When they pulled apart Ichigo's eyes were at half mast and still had that hazy look in them but this time Grimmjow knew it was from something else. Something that he would rather see in his lover's eyes then pain. The Espada pulled Ichigo tightly to him once more and rested his chin on top of Ichigo's head and nuzzled his bright orange locks as if he were a cat.

"I didn't mean it," he finally admitted. "I was having a bad day and I took it out on you."

"Admitting you were wrong?" Ichigo asked, surprised. "That's unlike you Grimm."

"Yeah well… sometimes you have to be!" Grimmjow said defensively before adding. "To keep the one you love."

"Heh don't go turning into a sap on me," Ichigo chuckled as he put his arms around his boyfriend and cuddled against his chest, a rare smile decorating his face.

"Who's turning into a sap?" the Espada said with a angry tick but it went ignored by the orange haired shinigami who was just happy that he was back in his lover's arms where he belonged.


End file.
